Is it okay to use why in therapeutic sessions? Insights from Western and eastern approaches 

Psychologists often avoid asking ‘why?’ or answering this question directly.  Therapists often think asking ‘why?’ can make people feel accused and/or judged which in turn could make them respond defensively and show resistance or even shift the blame onto other things.

Psychologists tend to use various methods to incorporate questions pertaining to the ‘why?’ during their session and eventually will get the answers they are after.

According to psychologists, the question ‘Why?’ can intimidate the clients and make them vulnerable. They assume it is a closed question which might not help the conversation between therapist and client to develop further in a meaningful direction and may eventually halt any progress altogether.

In the process of attempting to answer the ‘why?’, the client, and at times even the therapist, may lose their train of thought or close the door of opportunity that might have otherwise helped them both to explore the underlying causes in a slow and steady manner.

When building a therapeutic alliance, it is important to understand what the speaker says, be it the client or therapist, and hence asking questions bluntly might throw imbalance to this alliance in the initial stage.

However, once the trust and therapeutic relationship between the client and therapist is established, asking direct and closed questions such as ‘Why?’ might help save a lot of time, which is also a precious component in the therapeutic process. This may also help one another to avoid guessing a few important matters based on mere assumptions. They can provide clarity and improve focus.

On the other hand, eastern therapists often use the question ‘Why?’ in such a way that it helps the client to explore the problems and investigate them with an open mind. In fact, these introspective thoughts are encouraged clients to understand their emotions and what they seek in therapy. One of the eastern schools of philosophy – Nyaya – encourages the followers to seek wisdom through enlightenment or correct knowledge.

It advocates that the sufferings of humans are caused by ignorance and the correct knowledge can help them liberate from those sufferings. They ask the question ‘Why?’ to investigate the suffering and gain true knowledge about what can give them happiness. Happiness is not material but a highly self-fulfilling experience that requires only the right state of mind and knowledge to embrace it.

In the Eastern psychological approach, both the client and therapist will approach the problem from the perspective that it can be solved or prevented, or managed.  So they will try to explore the strategies that can work well in achieving their therapeutic goals. Answering ‘why?’ honestly is perceived as one of the effective gateways to understanding underlying problems and their causes.

Eastern psychology uses strikingly similar elements, which can be seen in narrative and interpersonal therapeutic approaches and theories as psychoanalysis and humanistic theories.

Stories and life incidents are used to analyze, learn and teach complex social values which can contribute to social harmony. For instance, one may take into consideration under what circumstances and how the Bhagavad Gita was presented during the battle of Kurukshetra.

To those who do not know much of Mahabharata, an Indian Purana and epic, Arjuna, was one of the powerful princes of 5 Pandavas who were cheated by their own cousin, Duryodana, who had 100 siblings and a huge assembly to support him. Duryodana’s army was considered very powerful. Due to the conflicts between Pandavas and Duryodana, the wife of Pandavas, Draupadi, was disrobed and insulted publicly and Pandavas were driven out to live in the forest and were forced to beg alms to make a living.

Despite many attempts of their common well-wishers including Krsna to solve the conflicts between Pandavas and Duryodana as they both belonged to the same Kuru dynasty, Duryodana was rather willing to kill Pandavas than let them own even a small hut in his kingdom which resulted in the gruesome war between Pandavas and Kauravas.

Arjuna was considered the best warrior of his time and was confident at the start of the Kurukshetra battle and was even showing signs of pride that he was invincible. However, one small statement from Krsna triggered anxiety in Arjuna who became completely helpless.

Krsna identified the lack of self-esteem and denial in Arjuna through the over-confidence and pride presented by him. Arjuna asked Krsna to stop the chariot so he could see who was foolish enough to stand against him on the battlefield. Krsna, a chariot driver for Arjuna, obeyed his order and requested Arjuna to take a look at his relatives who were there against him. This statement triggered a series of emotions in Arjuna.  Arjuna was perplexed and became anxious to even stand in the chariot.

He sought the help of Krsna immediately as his heart did not want him to fight against his relatives even if they were wrong. But he knew he must be wrong to think this way as this would lead to a lifetime of misery for both himself and those who relied on him.  In battle, where time is very valuable, he started the discussion with a direct ‘why?’ to find out the answers to overcome his problems permanently in a short yet effective way. Together with Krsna as the therapist and Arjuna as the client, explored possible solutions. One ‘why?’ from Arjuna started the entire course of the Bhagavad Gita.

Arjuna asked directly why Krsna wanted him to fight instead of trying other ways, including the simple way that he could leave the battlefield immediately and go back to his old style of living in the forest begging alms like humble hermits do to survive which could prevent many from being killed in the battle.

Krsna provided answers to this dilemma and Arjuna was convinced fighting against adharma, and wrongdoings is the last way to stop injustice when every other way was not working. So he stood up, fought, and won the battle, despite knowing the extent of the sacrifices he would have to make.

Asking ‘why?’ often, with a proper understanding of the situation and with mutual trust, may clarify and lead to more defined answers. This may prove helpful to those clients who may not be able to afford a long period of time to achieve their therapeutic goals or need a specific direction and strategy that may work in a focused way.

Knowing when to ask an empathetic ‘why?’ directivity is not a bad choice and can be effective in the therapeutic relationship.

Do you ask ‘why’ directly?

References

1.when and how to ask why in counselling, article by Dr Patrick Keelan (https://drpatrickkeelan.com/psychology/when-and-how-to-ask-why-in-counselling/

2. Interpersonal process in therapy – an integrative model, 7^th edition by Edward Teyber & Faith Holmes Teyber
3. The Interpersonal communication Book , 12th edition by Joseph A. Devito
4. The skilled helper, 10^th Edition by Gerden Egan
5. Unskilled and unaware of it: how difficulties in recognizing one’s own incompetence lead to inflated self-assessments- medical journal published by J Kruger 1, D Dunning
6. Social Psychology, 9^th edition by Saul Kassin, Steven Fein & Hazel Rose Markus
7. Unskilled and unaware of it: how difficulties in recognizing one’s own incompetence lead to inflated self-assessments, medical journal by J Kruger 1, D Dunning (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10626367/ )
8. Psychotherapy: Insights from Bhagavad gita https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0975156420120102
9. Bhagavad gita